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+---
+title: A personal transformation
+author: Yarmo Mackenbach
+slug: personal-transformation
+date: "2021-05-02 15:19:55"
+published: true
+discussion:
+---
+
+I'd like to share a few insights I gained during the last few months.
+
+## What happened
+
+First, a bit of background. For a while now, I have been feeling unproductive and unsure how to improve the situation.
+
+That's it, really. Whether it's adapting to a post-academia lifestyle or learning to work from home, I knew I was doing
+something wrong. I could spend days waiting for my head to clear up, then start working again to finally notice after
+a few days that my head was foggy once more.
+
+The frustrating part was that I knew how to be productive. For a little over four years, academia pushed me up to (and 
+beyond) the limit of my mental capacity for working.
+
+I knew the post-academia recovery was still ongoing, but I felt that didn't explain the whole picture. I lacked
+understanding of what was going on, so I started making a few changes of my own and educating myself. The Dunning-Kruger
+effect was not going to keep me in my state of ignorance.
+
+## My own changes
+
+I picked up intensive bullet journaling again. While this saved my mental health during my PhD, it did little for my
+post-PhD predicament. Apparently, the problem was deeper than simply freeing my head from the burden of remembering
+stuff.
+
+I picked up more hobbies but found myself more often feeling guilty of giving in to those hobbies rather than spending
+time on what I wanted to do: being productive.
+
+It was also during this phase of exploring possible actions that I formulated a wish: I wanted to go abroad for a month
+or two to a quiet location, take nothing but a bunch of clothes and my Thinkpad X201i and just start hammering away on
+the keys. To my frustration, I could not provide arguments as to why I was yearning for this. I got no further than
+"fully reset my lifestyle, go back to basic, build a new method and take those lessons back home". It sounds reasonable
+but, well, knowing what I know now…
+
+I scouted for a few locations where I already knew some people but a wish it remained. The pandemic. Safety above all.
+
+And in the midst of fearing my situation was lightyears away from improving, I stumbled upon two little words on some
+small personal blog, a drop of wisdom easily overlooked in a vast knowledge-overloaded internet.
+
+## Educating myself
+
+I had started reading a few books but so far none had resonated with me—none, until that one book. I was reading a blog post when I got puzzled by a couple of words (paraphrasing because I lost the link to the post):
+
+> [...] compatible with the concept of **deep work**, [...]
+
+Thank all the deities for being it precisely those two words that my brain decided to fixate on! A quick non-google
+search later and I found the book the words were referring to:
+**Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World** by Cal Newport. A DRM-free purchase later and I started
+my read.
+
+It was after barely a few pages that I decided to not go the same route as with the other books by reading a chapter
+every day and steadily progress through the book—I am generally a very slow reader. No, instinct told me stop all the
+work I was doing and completely focus all my attention on this book.
+
+The reason for this was simple: the book almost directly begins with talking about people choosing to travel to remote
+locations to help them become productive. I suddenly realized this book might actually articulate the arguments I
+couldn't when I was planning my wishful trip.
+
+It still took me a couple of days, spending time inbetween chapters to think and re-reading a few chapters. But I came
+out of the isolation a changed person.
+
+## Deep Work
+
+Let's make something clear, I am not here to sell you this book. As the other books didn't work for me, this one might
+not for you. I am not here to tell you how to fix your productivity, I am simply stating a few steps that have worked for me
+so far.
+
+The book goes on to explain how important it is to work without distractions. And, as the book correctly predicted, my
+reaction was:
+
+> Well, that doesn't really apply to me.
+
+A statement which I somewhat still stand by. When I worked, I did not have my phone with me. Depending on the work I was
+doing, I would put on some music or a stream, but would turn that off if my brain needed the extra focus. So, I was
+already golden, right?
+
+Not only could I improve my handling of distractions and planning of work, the book filled in some large gaps in my
+understanding of how work works. I will point out two of those wisdom potholes that the book has generously filled.
+
+## Types of work
+
+Not all work is created equal. Somehow, I had never stopped to consider this and use this factoid to my advantage. While
+I often found myself torn between programming and responding to issues, I never considered these two activities are not
+equal and therefore, I should not choose between them. There is a time for programming (deep work) and there is a time
+for responding to issues (shallow work). Shallow work is not "dumb work", it just requires my head to be in a different
+state than it needs to be when programming.
+
+## Quantity of deep work hours
+
+My biggest revelation, the one that truly convinced me of the logic put forth in the book and the one that triggered all
+that followed was this (paraphrasing for brevity):
+
+> The most productive people in the world have roughly **four hours** of deep work every day, rarely more.
+
+This, I did not understand. I immediately started mentioning it to people around me and they said "yeah, makes sense".
+I refused the notion that this made sense. How do you get stuff done with only four hours?
+
+## My take-away
+
+Anyway, long story short: not all work is created equal and be mindful about the deep work. Once I got these concepts
+in my head, my situation improved drastically within days. 
+
+Out with the old "as long as I am not tired, I can work a little longer" and in with the careful planning of my days around
+deep work hours.
+
+I will sit down every morning with my bullet journal, draw a timeline and start planning an ideal day around the work
+that needs to happen, making sure that both the shallow works gets dedicated time, and the deep work hours are spaced
+with sufficient breaks. I get annoyed when I find myself working a few minutes longer and stealing precious minutes of
+mental rest.
+
+I have even ignored my planning a few times to force work ahead of a deadline, only to notice the next day
+I was feeling significantly more foggy-headed and unable to work deep. Bad me! At least, I now know what went wrong and
+how I can improve it.
+
+## Note about distractions
+
+To deal with distractions, I took two drastic steps right after finishing the book's last page: no more fediverse, and
+only use messaging apps between 9:00-10:00 and 17:00-18:00. This helped tremendously in my quest for productivity!
+
+With regards to messaging apps: I still roughly follow this pattern. On resting days, I will allow a bit more
+"connected" time (helpful with family across multiple countries).
+
+With regards to fediverse: I have noticed that it's a part of my life that I am beginning to miss, because
+(most of the time) it generated a pleasant distraction and even connection. I have had truly meaningful interactions on
+the fediverse. I have even received messages from a few concerned netizens that noticed and were worried about my sudden
+online disappearance, something that I have appreciated a bunch! So now, I am slowly returning to the fediverse, aware
+of the negative side of distraction, and whole-heartedly embracing its benefits.
+
+Thanks for reading, here's to hoping it may help another wandering soul.